Foreword

It was in 2003 whilst he was Policy and Information Manager of the Scottish Association for Mental Health and editor of its magazine, 'The Point' that Simon Bradstreet wrote:

Accomplished athlete, recording artist, published author and manic depressive - Suzy Johnston isn't ashamed of any of her labels. In this candid and honest description of one person's experience of living a full and varied life at the same time as coping with a serious mental health, what continuously shines through is the author's consistently positive outlook and her refusal to be ashamed of losing what she described as 'the battle of percentages' in developing manic depression. In an engaging, informative and often amusing biography the author details the early onset of depression as a teenager but concentrates primarily on her university days, spent in St Andrews and lived in typical 'work hard - play harder' student mode, interspersed with periods of disrupted study, relationship problems and psychiatric assessment.

Coping variously with paranoia, hallucinations, suicidal feelings, debilitating side-effects and the pressure of maintaining social contacts as her inner turmoil increased, she describes the experience of depression as 'a dark thread winding itself tighter and tighter'. After seeing a psychiatrist for three years with no diagnosis, the need to know won over the fear of the psychiatric label and, after a few visits to the library, it started to seem likely that manic depression was the problem. Confused and scared she secretly turned to self-harming, describing the pain of that first cut as a revelation..smashing its ways through the thick wall of Perspex which had built up around her.'

Clearly a sociable and outgoing person the author's spirit is always apparent. Whenever the story reaches a low point, following the ups and downs of the bipolar experience, there is often a funny anecdote around the corner. It is the author's ability to keep laughing in the face of adversity that marks this book out. Having graduated and started a teacher-training course she is stunned when a new GP suggests spending a few days in hospital on a voluntary basis, the first of a number of admissions to the then newly opened Christie Ward at the Vale of Leven Hospital -a caring environment that she goes out of her way to praise. This was clearly a difficult decision to make at a time when she says it would be taxing to choose between two types of ice cream.

One of Suzy's aims in writing this book is to help challenge the mindless and enduring stigma associated with mental health problems, pointing out that people who battle with mental health problems are worthy of applause rather than be discussed in embarrassed tones - as she puts it: 'bollocks to that!' With a determined spirit and a forthright attitude Suzy Johnston is an example to everyone struggling to live with, or understand, serious mental health problems. One warning - don't cross her. Just ask former Scotland goalkeeping coach Alan Hodgkinson!

Simon Bradstreet, Network Director, Scottish Recovery Network